


Science Fiction, Double Feature

by treewishes



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling, Rocky Horror Picture Show
Genre: M/M, Multi, Snarry-A-Thon Challenge, crackfic, reel_potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-22
Updated: 2010-05-22
Packaged: 2017-10-09 15:48:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/89046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treewishes/pseuds/treewishes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meet young Harry Potter, who grew up innocent and happy without a re-embodied Voldemort thanks to the efforts of Potions Master Severus Snape... and his "faithful" servants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Science Fiction, Double Feature

**Author's Note:**

> Written for **Snarry-A-Thon 2010**. Prompt (by [elf](http://elf.dreamwidth.org)): _The Snarry Horror Picture Show: Dr. Snape-N-Furter seduces Harry Potter &amp; Ginny Weasley who've shown up at the door of his castle hoping to use the ~~phone~~ Floo._
> 
> I must start off by saying I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show far, FAR too many times when I was young and impressionable. And when I saw this prompt, well, there was just nothing for it. I'm not sure how effective it will be for someone who hasn't obsessed over both HP and RHPS, but I hope you enjoy anyway! I've tried to keep most of the original dialogue, to make the plot work in a slightly AU HP verse, and to describe a delightful series of pictures in my head that really, really need to become actual artwork. Or maybe even a stage show .....
> 
> Serious beta appreciation to [gnomad](http://gnomad.dreamwidth.org), who had all the good ideas for this. And to [accioslash](http://accioslash.dreamwidth.org), the Snarry-A-Thon mastermind who shares my obsession with both HP and RHPS, and provided a judicious mixture of encouragement and prodding that enabled me to actually finish this.

"Let's get a picture. Close together now. The folks and then the grandparents. Yes, all the close family." Harry darted out of the camera's eye, happy to let Colin arrange the happy family photo. "Ahhh, hold that. Beautiful. And... smile! Congratulations!"

Ron finally extracted himself and came over, looking relieved. "I guess we finally did it, huh."

Harry grinned. "I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Hermione have been almost inseparable since our 6th year at Hogwarts."

"Harry, she's the only reason I managed to graduate and get into Auror training. I couldn't disappoint her, you know."

Harry nodded as they watched Hermione run up the steps of the church.

She deftly flicked the train of her long white dress over her arm, and shouted, "Okay, you guys, this is it!" as she tossed the bouquet over her shoulder in a dramatic arc. It sailed over the heads of the girls gathered at the base of the steps and Harry reached up automatically to snatch it out of the air.

He held it up as the entire wedding party turned to stare at him. "I guess I got it," he said, pulling a face. Hermione descended the steps and smiled at him, both exasperated and fond.

Ron snickered. "Hey Harry, looks like it could be your turn next, eh?"

Harry shrugged. "Who knows?"

Hermione, looking radiant, took her husband's arm and pointed at the church clock. "Ron, look at the time!"

Ron grimaced. "Well, so long, see you, Harry. We have a Portkey to catch."

Hermione pecked him on the cheek. "See you soon, Harry," she waved, and with a pop, they were gone.

Ginny plucked the bouquet out of his hand. "I can't believe it. An hour ago she was Hermione Granger and now... now she's Mrs. Ronald Weasley."

"Yes, Ginny, Ron's a lucky guy."

"I don't know that I'd say the same for Hermione," Ginny said, wryly. "But I did really love the skillful way," she grinned, "you beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet."

Harry grinned. "I'm a Seeker. Couldn't help it."

She brought the flowers to her nose for a long sniff. "You know what it means, though," she said, peeking through the blossoms.

He cocked his head. "Why don't you tell me?"

"It means," she said, firmly, "that I need to go buy some white dress robes."

He put his hands on her shoulders and planted a loud kiss on her lips. "I accept your proposal."

They grinned at each other, then looked around and realized they were the only ones left standing outside the church.

"The Burrow is going to be nightmare," Ginny said, plucking a daisy from the bouquet and tucking it into her hair.

Harry nodded, then it struck him. "Hey, you know there's one person we haven't seen today."

She nodded. "Remus. It was the full moon last night, you know. He wasn't optimistic that he could make it."

"Would you mind very much if we went to see him? I'd like him to be the first to know. About us."

She smiled. "Of course. Let's go tonight."

* * * * *

Professor Dumbledore rose to his feet in a large, circular office. Several portraits decorated the walls, as well as a number of spindly-legged tables supporting various curious silver instruments that whirred and emitted little puffs of smoke. He cleared his throat. "I would like, ah, if I may," he paused, removing a large, very old book from a high shelf, "to take you on a strange journey." He placed the book on the desk. "It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Harry Potter, a young, ordinary, healthy wizard and his fiancee Ginny Weasley, a young, ordinary, healthy witch, left London that late November evening, to visit a Mr Remus Lupin in Hogsmeade, ex-professor, and now friend to both of them." Dumbledore sat behind a claw-footed desk, looking out the window, pensively. "It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black, and pendulous, in the sky that evening. It's true, also, that the Apparation pathway took them past some unknown locations, but they were normal kids and, on a night out... well, they were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening, were they?" He turned back to the book, opening it. "On a night out," he turned a page, "It was a night out they were going to remember... for a very long time."

* * * * *

They landed, and Harry stopped, looking around.

Ginny tugged his arm. "What's the matter, Harry?"

"Hmmm... I could have sworn these were the Apparation coordinates Remus gave me." Harry looked around in the gloom. Something didn't feel right about this place.

Ginny tucked her wand under her arm. "Well, there's no cottage here. But do you hear that? It sounds like motorbikes."

Harry tried to Apparate a few feet away, but couldn't. "Must be ley lines or something. I guess we'll just have to walk out of it." He pulled his jacket closed against the damp.

"Wait, look there!" Ginny pointed through the trees. "There's a light."

Harry could just see a building glimmering in the distance. "You're right, it looks like some sort of castle. Maybe they have a Floo we could use. I'll go find out."

"I'm going with you."

"Now, Ginny, there's no sense in both of us tromping through the wet forest."

"I'm coming with you," she said, heading toward the castle. "Besides," she tossed over her shoulder, "the owner of that Floo might be a beautiful woman, and you might never come back again."

Harry raised his eyebrows, and followed her. "Right."

* * * * *  
Dumbledore stroked his beard. "And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Harry, a poor boy raised by Muggles and his "great aunt" Minerva, and Ginny, the seventh child of a powerful wizarding family, and that they had found the assistance that their plight required. Or had they?"

* * * * *

The door was twice as tall as they were, and Harry couldn't see any lights in the windows through the drizzle. "Ginny, let's go home, it's cold."

"Well, we're here, and they probably have a Floo," she said and rang the bell.

"They're probably Muggles," he muttered.

A tall man in butler's livery with long white-blonde hair opened the door. The wand discreetly held at his side put Harry's supposition to rest. Definitely not Muggles.

"Hello," the man said, looking down his nose at them. Harry swallowed, desperately wanting to Apparate.

Ginny stepped forward and smiled. "Hi! My name is Ginny Weasley, and this is my fiance, Harry Potter. I wonder if you could help us. You see, we were Apparating and seem to have lost our way. Do you have a Floo we might use?"

The man didn't answer right away, but then said, slowly, "You're wet."

Harry cleared his throat. "Yes, it's raining."

The man nodded. "Yes... I think perhaps you better both come inside."

Ginny stepped inside. "You're too kind," she said to him, and then whispered to Harry, "What kind of a place is this?"

The foyer was filled with what seemed like dozens of stuffed and mounted animals. Harry shrugged, whispering back, "Probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos."

The man pointed, "This way." As they followed, they could hear loud music from another part of the castle.

Ginny asked, "Are you having a party?"

The man paused. "You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of Master Snape's affairs."

Ginny grinned. "Oh, lucky him."

Suddenly, a woman with wild hair and makeup that was far too dramatic for the maid's uniform she wore slid down the stair rail. She was crazily chanting and laughing, "You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! Ha ha ha..."

Then Harry could only stare as the man with the long hair started singing:

_Lucius:  
_ It's astounding;  
Time is fleeting;  
Madness takes its toll.  
But listen closely...

_Bellatrix:  
_ Not for very much longer.

_Lucius:  
_ I've got to keep control.  
I remember doing the time-warp  
Drinking those moments when  
The blackness would hit me

_Lucius &amp; Bellatrix:  
_ And a void would be calling...

Harry was frantically trying to figure out a way to escape, when they were pushed through a door into a large ballroom filled with witches and wizards in strangely coloured robes. They all joined into the song that the butler and maid were singing. Harry tried desperately to keep the panic off his face.

_Death Eaters:  
_ Let's do the time-warp again.  
Let's do the time-warp again.

Dumbledore:  
It's just a jump to the left.

_All:  
_ And then a step to the right.

_Dumbledore:  
_ With your hands on your hips.

_All:  
_ You bring your knees in tight.  
But it's the pelvic thrust  
That really drives you insane.  
Let's do the time-warp again.  
Let's do the time-warp again.

_Bellatrix:  
_ It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.  
So you can't see me, no, not at all.  
In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention,  
Well secluded, I see all.

_Lucius:  
_ With a bit of a mind flip

_Bellatrix:  
_ You're into the time slip.

_Lucius:  
_ And nothing can ever be the same.

_Bellatrix:_  
You're spaced out on sensation.

_Lucius:_  
Like you're under sedation.

_All:_  
Let's do the time-warp again.  
Let's do the time-warp again.

Just when Harry was convinced the situation could not get any more strange, a blonde girl wearing sparkly gold robes jumped away from the crowd and began tap dancing.

_Pansy:  
_Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think  
When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.  
He shook me up, he took me by surprise  
He had a wicked wand, and the devil's eyes.  
He stared at me and I felt a change.  
Time meant nothing, never would again.

_All:_  
Let's do the time-warp again.  
Let's do the time-warp again.

_Dumbledore:_  
It's just a jump to the left!

_All:_  
And then a step to the right.

_Dumbledore:_  
With your hands on your hips....

_All:_  
You bring your knees in tight.  
But it's the pelvic thrust  
That really drives you insane,  
Let's do the time-warp again.  
Let's do the time-warp again.

Then, as the song wound to a close, everyone in the room except Harry and Ginny fell to the ground.

The room was dead silent. Ginny whispered, "Harry, say something."

Harry popped out with the first thing that came into his head. "Say, have any of you guys seen the Weird Sisters in concert?"

A few of the people in the multi-coloured robes raised their heads, and stared at him as though he were the crazy one. He turned to Ginny and whispered fiercely, "Now, please, let's get out of here."

Ginny shook her head. "For Merlin's sake, keep a grip on yourself, Harry."

"But it... it seems so unhealthy here."

"It's just a party, Harry."

"Well, I think we should go." He pointed to the huge banner across the back of the room that said, ANNUAL DEATH EATERS CONVENTION. "That can't be good."

"Look, we can't go anywhere until I get to a Floo."

Harry knew that tone in Ginny's voice, and that she wasn't going to back down. "Fine, I'll ask the butler."

"Harry, don't," she stopped him. He turned to her and rolled his eyes. She put a hand on his arm. "What I mean is, we don't want to interfere with their convention."

Harry couldn't believe she was being so thick. "This isn't a gathering at the local pub, Ginny."

Ginny stomped her foot. "They're probably foreign witches and wizards with ways different than our own." She gestured vaguely. "They may do some more," she paused, searching, "folk dancing."

Harry pressed his lips together. He clearly wasn't going to spend the evening with Remus, the closest person he had to family, like he'd planned.

Suddenly, he realized everyone was staring at something behind them. He turned around to see a lift descending. When it stopped, a wizard wearing a shiny dress cloak stepped off and walked, or rather, strutted over to them. He threw off his cloak with a dramatic flourish, and declared more to the room than to them, "How do you do? I see you've met Lucius, my faithful handyman. He tells me that you're a bit... lost?"

Harry stared in shock at the man, who was-- who was dressed in what had to be the most outrageous set of women's lingerie Harry had ever seen. He was wearing a vest that laced up the sides, some very skimpy pants, and-- Harry could barely believe it-- fish net stockings and five-inch high-heeled shoes. Harry's tongue caught in his mouth and he breathed thanks when Ginny stepped forward, back straight, chin up. Harry had always admired her courage.

"I'm glad to meet you, sir. My boyfriend, er, fiance and I were wondering if we might use your Floo? It will just be a moment and we'll be right out of your way."

The man, who Harry couldn't help but notice didn't look one bit like a woman despite the outfit, gave them both an appraising stare. "Unfortunately," he drawled, "we're having a bit of trouble with the Floo. You've experienced, I'm sure, the effects of the energy point that interferes with Apparation." He turned and walked away from them, and Harry's eyes were drawn to the confident way he moved on those amazingly high heels.

The man turned back suddenly, and Harry quickly took his eyes off of the man's bottom and parked them squarely on his face. He must look different without all of that makeup, Harry thought, but it accentuated his face so well, it was hard to imagine him without it. As he smiled at them with perfectly outlined lips, Harry shivered. "But there's no need to panic. Why don't you stay for the night? I'm sure we'll have the Floo sorted in the morning." He waved a hand at his servants. "And I'm sure Bellatrix can prepare a bite of food for you."

Harry glanced at Ginny, who shrugged as if to say, what choice do we have?

The man dropped into a large chair and slung his legs over the arm. He gestured toward the upper floors. "I could show you my latest experiments. I've been working on reanimation potions, you see. Something quite revolutionary."

Harry perked up. "That sounds brilliant." Reanimation potions were something he had considered for his N.E.W.T potions project. Out of nowhere, Ginny stamped on his foot, and he shot her a look. What was she on about? The man was clearly eccentric, but plenty of wizards were.

"Then it's settled. You'll come up to the lab." He pushed past them and stepped back into the elevator. As the grate closed, he looked directly at Harry. "I see you shiver with antici--," he paused, and Harry held his breath. "--pation."

And then he was gone. Harry shivered again, and quickly backed away and tripped into Ginny, who huffed at him in exasperation. "Don't be such a wimp, Harry." She set him back on his feet. "And don't worry so much. We just need to play along for now."

Then the blonde girl in the sparkly robes, Pansy, said, "Let's get you out of those wet clothes," as she began pulling off his shirt. Harry clutched at his trousers to no avail. Everything, including their wands, was tossed into a large plastic bucket.

Ginny smiled gamely, even though she was only wearing her white cotton bra, knickers, and short white slip. "Hello, my name is Ginny, and this is my fiance, Harry. Ah... you are...?"

The blonde girl didn't answer as she continued to pack away their things. "You're very lucky to be invited up to Master Snape's laboratory," she sneered. "Some people would give their right arm for the privilege."

"People like you maybe?" Harry asked.

"Ha! I've seen it," she smirked and walked off, the bucket over her arm.

The butler, Lucius, gestured. "Come along," he intoned, and headed up the stairs. "The Master doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Harry looked at Ginny, but before they could follow, Bellatrix was pushing them from behind. "Shift it!"

As they climbed the stairs, Harry asked her, "Is he, um, Mr Snape I mean-- is he your husband?"

Lucius replied, without turning, "The Master is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be. We are simply his servants."

They reached the top of the stairs, and found Mr Snape standing in a large potions laboratory. The Death Eaters were all standing up on the balcony overlooking the room. Harry's eyes were immediately drawn to Snape, who was now wearing a mediwizard's apron, still wearing his dramatic makeup and pearls the size of gobstones. He was holding a glass of wine. "Bellatrix, Pansy. Go assist Lucius. I will entertain," he paused, "our guests."

"I'm Ginny Weasley," she said. "And this is my fiance, Harry Potter."

Snape took Harry's hand. "Enchante," he said in a voice that seemed to make Harry's whole body vibrate. "Well!" he exclaimed, dropping Harry's hand quickly, "how nice. And what charming underclothes you both have. But here. Put these on." He handed them some white robes that looked as though they belonged to an infirmary staff. "They'll make you feel less... vulnerable. It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them," he paused, and looked them both up and down, "hospitality."

Ginny burst out laughing. "Hospitality!? All we wanted to do was to use your Floo!"

Harry put a hand on her arm. "Ginny, don't be ungrateful."

She shook him off, glaring defiantly at Snape. "Ungrateful!"

"How forceful you are, Ginny. Such a perfect specimen of womanhood. So... assertive. You must be awfully proud of her, Harry."

Harry dipped his head. He had to admit he was.

Then Snape asked, "Do you have any tattoos, Ginny?"

Ginny shook her head. "Certainly not!"

Snape shrugged, then turned to Harry. "Oh well. How about you?"

Harry felt he cheeks redden and shook his head no. He could see the edge of a dark tattoo on Snape's forearm and wondered what it meant.

Lucius, behind them, said in that same passive aggressive way he had, "Everything is in readiness, Master. We merely await your... word."

Snape gave his servant a withering look, but accompanied him to the front of the room. Standing in front of a huge cauldron, he pulled out his wand and cast Sonorous. "Tonight, my Death Eaters, you are about to witness a new breakthrough in potions research." He held up his hands and Bellatrix snapped rubber gloves into place. He lowered his voice, and continued. "And our destiny will be restored!"

Everyone applauded, and Harry got caught up in the celebration, clapping along with them. Ginny glared at him.

Snape went on. "I have obtained and carefully combined the elusive ingredients, that SPARK that is the breath of life! You see, you are fortunate for tonight is the night that our beautiful creature is destined to be born!" He poured the contents of a flaming beaker into the potion, then threw open the switches on something labelled "SONIC OSCILLATOR" in large letters. Flames leapt from under the cauldron, and it began to boil. Snape plunged his wand into the cauldron and counted three dramatic anticlockwise stirs!

Harry clutched at Ginny's arm. Strange wisps of white smoke were flowing out of the cauldron and flying around the room before exploding into tiny sparks. Ginny patted his hand. "It's all right, Harry. It's just a potion."

Just then, a hand reached out of the brew! Snape grasped it, and pulled a dark-haired young man up to standing. He looked about seventeen, with classical features and a chiselled -- and fully naked -- body. Harry had never seen anything like it! What had Snape put into the cauldron to get a person like that out of it?

Snape helped him step out of the cauldron and set the boy on his feet, examining him closely, "Look at him, everyone. He's even more perfect than we had hoped." He put a hand on the boy's face, and spoke directly to him, "Your name is Lord Voldemort, but I'm going to call you Tommy. And we are going to rule the world, wouldn't you like that?"

Tommy seemed dazed, understandably, but nodded at Snape. Suddenly, the fire under the cauldron flared. Tommy leapt in fright and ran to hide behind a group of Death Eaters.

Snape chased after him, finally reaching him near the elevator. "Well really, Tommy. That's no way to behave on your first day out."

Tommy, still dazed, just stared up at him.

Then Snape smiled. "But since you're such an exceptional specimen, I am prepared to forgive you."

Tommy smiled back, and stammered, "I-- I'll be better." Harry thought he really was exceptionally pretty, but he seemed a bit overdone, like a professional bodybuilder.

Walking back to the centre of the room, bringing Tommy by the hand, Snape declared, "The potion is a success."

Lucius took a step forward, saying, "He's a credit to your genius, Master."

Snape nodded, condescending but appreciative. "Yes."

Bellatrix added, "A triumph of your will."

Snape nodded, smiling this time, "Yes."

Pansy shrugged. "He's okay."

Snape whirled. "Okay? Okay?!? I think we can do better than that. Humph!" He pulled Tommy over to where he and Ginny were standing. "Well, what do you two think of him?"

Ginny glanced at Harry, then looked down and said, "Well, I don't like men with too many muscles."

Snape's face darkened, and he shouted, "I didn't make him FOR YOU!"

They all looked up as there was a huge crash from above, and suddenly there was a flying motorbike coming in one of the high windows.

The bike landed, and the rider pulled off his helmet. Pansy cried, joyfully, "Sirius!"

Harry had never seen a flying motorbike. It was brilliant! He glanced over at Snape, who was glaring daggers at the bike and the man riding it.

"Wonder who that is," Harry murmured to Ginny.

"I think," she said behind her hand, "that it must be Sirius Black. He was just released from Azkaban on appeal. Completely nutters, they say."

"Uh oh", Harry said, pressing back into the wall. But Black didn't look insane, he looked sort of dashing, actually. Black and Pansy embraced, clearly happy to see one another. The couple was oblivious to Snape, who, Harry realized, had his wand in his hand and looked ready to use it. Harry watched with growing unease as Sirius turned to confront him.

"Surprised to see me, Snape? I suppose you didn't think I would figure out why you needed my blood. Is that him?" He pointed to Tommy, who was clinging in fear to Snape.

"This is no longer your concern, Black," Snape said through gritted teeth.

"I dare say it is," Black replied, then turned to the Death Eaters. "And I'm here to tell you ---"

"NO," Snape bellowed. "I said this was none of your affair," and raised his wand. Sirius fumbled for his wand, muttering, "No, not like this, no, no," and started backing away. Pansy screamed, and Sirius turned and ran, but there was nowhere to go.

Snape cursed him where he stood. He fell, blood welling up under his shirt. Pansy ran to him, sobbing loudly, trying to stop the flow, pleading for help, but the blood just kept bubbling up.

Snape tucked his wand away, Merlin knew where in that outfit. He dusted off his hands and said, "One from the vaults." The Death Eaters tittered uneasily, but none of them seemed to mind that they had just witnessed a murder. All Harry knew was that they really needed to get out of here, but without clothes or wands, there was not much they could do.

Harry spied Tommy hiding under the potions bench, tearful. Snape saw him as well, and pulled him up, soothing him. "Oh baby!.. don't be upset... it was a mercy killing... he had a certain naive charm, but no muscle."

They walked away down the corridor, entwined. Harry and Ginny heard the faint strains of the wedding march as, with a flick of Snape's wand, the large doors closed behind them.

* * * * *

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair. "There are those who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is but a figment of the imagination. If this is so, then Harry and Ginny are quite safe. However, the sudden departure of their host... and his creation... into the seclusion of his sombre bridal suite had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling which grew as the other guests departed, and they were shown to their separate rooms."

* * * * *

Harry sat up in bed. "Who is it? Who's there?" He hadn't been sleeping, not really, not in this outlandish bed, but he had closed his eyes for just a moment.

"It's only me, Harry," Ginny whispered. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, Ginny, come in." She climbed under the netting and into bed with him, and immediately started kissing him. "Oh! Ginny, oh... yes... but what if..." He pulled away, worried.

She murmured, "It's all right, Harry, everything's going to be all right," and pressed her body against his.

"Oh, I hope so, Ginny." He ran a hand through her hair as she started to press into his cock, which was so hard it hurt at this point. She was so soft, so insistent, and she felt so good against him, and with all that had happened tonight, he couldn't help it, "Oh...ah...ahh OHHH!" he shouted, coming hard. He flopped down onto the mattress, his heart pounding, and found he was holding a handful of nothing where Ginny's red hair had just been. He opened his eyes and saw the glamour slip away.

"Oh it's you!" he yelled at Snape, who was still grinding into his thigh.

"I'm afraid so, Harry, but isn't it nice?" Snape whispered in his ear.

Harry beat at his broad shoulders, but he didn't have much strength after coming so quickly and so hard. "Oh, you, you... what have you done with Ginny?"

"Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you think I should?" Snape leered.

"You tricked me. I wouldn't have... we've never... I've never..."

"Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all bad, is it? I think you really found it quite pleasurable."

Harry had to admit he had. And now he was getting hard again. "Oh, stop... I mean help... oh... "

"Shhh," Snape soothed him. "Ginny's probably asleep by now. Do you want her to see you like this!" Snape pulled Harry's legs up to his shoulders and pressed his chest to Harry's. Harry wondered how anything could feel so damned good.

"Like this--?" He trailed off with a groan. He really didn't want to think about Ginny at this point. Not when Snape was touching him down there somewhere that felt freaking fantastic. He turned his head to the side, but knew his body was trying to get closer to Snape. "Oh, it's your fault... you're to blame... I was saving myself..."

"Oh. Come on, Harry. Admit it, you liked it, didn't you? There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure." Snape's fingers worked into him, scratching an itch Harry never knew he had.

Snape was still murmuring in his ear, insistent. "Oh Harry, you've wasted so much time already. Ginny needn't know, I won't tell."

"Promise you won't tell Ginny?" Harry asked, breathless.

"On my mother's grave."

And then Snape made him forget everything he'd ever known.

* * * * *

"Master, Tommy has broken his chains and vanished. The new playmate is loose and somewhere on the grounds. Bellatrix has just released the dogs."

Snape was, thankfully, too far gone to be distracted by the disembodied voice. "What, hmm? Coming!"

* * * * *

Dumbledore lit a gauloise in a long, elegant cigarette holder, and took a thoughtful puff. "Emotion is an agitation or disturbance of the mind. A vehement or excited mental state. It is also a powerful and irrational master, and from what Bellatrix and Pansy eagerly viewed on their scrying crystal there seemed little doubt that Harry was, indeed... its slave."

Bellatrix and Pansy giggled. "Tell us about it, Harry."

* * * * *

The whip in Snape's hand cracked, and Lucius moaned loudly, "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Merrrrrcy!"

But Harry could see that Snape was having none of it. "How did it happen?" He shouted in Lucius' ear. "I understood you were to be watching!"

Lucius peered up through his tousled hair. "I was only away for a minute... Master."

Snape closed his eyes, then opened them. "Fine," he said, "Well, go on, see if you can find him."

Lucius tapped a large mirror, showing the exterior of the castle. There was a man standing at the front door. "Master. Master, we have a visitor."

Harry peered at the mirror, and recognized him. "Hey, that's Remus!"

Lucius turned his head, and said, "You know this... person?"

Harry nodded. "I most certainly do! He happens to be an old friend of mine."

"I see," Snape snapped. "So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. You came here with a purpose."

Harry was surprised by the tone in Snape's voice, especially after the gentleness he'd just experienced under Snape's hand. "I told you, we got lost Apparating. I was telling the truth."

"I know what you told me... but this Remus Lupin, his name is not unknown to me."

Harry wasn't surprised at that. "Yes, well, he taught Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts."

"And now he works for the Ministry, doesn't he, Harry? He's attached to the Aurors! Isn't that right, Harry?"

"He might be... I don't know." Ron had never mentioned it, but it could be true, Harry supposed.

The mirror went dark. "The intruder is entering the building, Master."

Snape looked irritated. "He'll probably be-- in the Zen room. Shall we inquire of him in person?"

Harry nodded, and followed him down a flight of stairs.

When they entered the room through a beaded curtain, Remus looked up. "Severus, it's been a long time."

Harry was shocked by the familiarity in his voice, cried, "Remus!"

"Harry! What are you doing here?"

Snape cut him off. "Don't play games, Lupin. You know perfectly well what Harry Potter is doing here. It was part of your plan, was it not? That he and his girlfriend should case the layout for you. Well, unfortunately for you, all the plans are to be changed. I am adaptable, Lupin; I know Harry is."

Harry flushed, looking down at his feet.

Remus, luckily, didn't seem to notice. "I can assure you that Harry's presence here comes as a complete surprise to me. I came here to find Sirius."

Harry started. "Sirius! I've seen him!"

Snape glared at him, and Harry realized he shouldn't have said anything about the man Snape had killed, insane criminal or not. "What do you know of Sirius Black, Lupin?"

"I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. I had been in contact with Black just before he was released from Azkaban."

At that moment, Lucius appeared, dragging Tommy into the room by the arm. Ginny followed them in, and Harry could only stare at her. She had clearly been, well, kissed hard for one thing, and given the array of love bites across the top of her breasts, likely more than that.

She pulled Tommy away from Lucius. "Hasn't he been through enough today?" Then she cradled Tommy against her chest, and he fell quiet in the circle of her arms. "There, there," she said, petting his hair. "I'm here now; he won't hurt you."

Snape glared at her, then pointed his finger at Tommy, "Listen, I made you. And I can break you just as easily!"

A gong sounded at the doorway and they all looked up at Bellatrix. "Master, dinner is prepared!"

Snape straightened. "Excellent," he said. Looking around, he added, "Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional."

* * * * *

Dumbledore popped a lemon drop into his mouth. "Food has always played a vital role in life's rituals. The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and now, this meal. However informal it might appear, you can be sure that there was to be very little... bon ami."

* * * * *

"A toast," Snape raised his glass, "to absent friends."

Harry nervously raised his glass, as they all answered the toast.

Bellatrix dropped a huge tray onto the table and began serving them all large portions of the main dish. Snape turned to Tommy, and said, "And happy birthday to you, dear Tommy," but before they could sing properly, he cut them off with "Shall we?" as he put knife and fork to plate.

Lupin took a bite. "We came here to discuss Sirius."

Pansy looked up. "Sirius?!"

Snape contemplated the meat on his fork and took a deliberate bite. "That's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?"

Harry was confused, then looked down at the meat on his plate and suddenly realized in horror that it was neither chicken nor pork.

Pansy put a hand over her mouth, muttering "Excuse me," as she ran from the room.

Remus slammed down his utensils. "I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined. Death Eaters!"

Snape smiled. "Go on, Lupin. Or should I say Lupine?"

Harry put down his fork. "Just what exactly are you implying?"

"It's all right!" Lupin shouted, which only assured Harry that it wasn't.

"But Remus!"

"It's all right, Harry!" Then Remus calmed himself, and told them a story:

From the day he was born  
He was trouble.  
He was the thorn  
In his mother's side.  
She tried in vain...

_Dumbledore:_  
... but he never caused her nothing but shame.

_Remus:_  
He left home the day she died.  
From the day she was gone  
All he wanted  
Was Rock 'n' Roll porn  
And flying motorbikes.  
Brewing up junk...

_Dumbledore:_  
He was a low down cheap little punk!

_Remus:_  
Taking everyone for a ride.

_Pansy:_  
Everybody shoved him.  
I very nearly loved him.  
I said, hey, listen to me;  
Stay sane inside insanity!  
But he locked the door and threw away the key.

_Remus:_  
But he must have been drawn  
Into something,  
Making him warn  
Me in a note...

Then he pulled a scribbled parchment from his pocket, and Harry leaned forward to read it. It was horribly misspelled and written in what could have been blood.

I'm out of my hed.  
Hurry, or I may be dead.  
They mustn't carry out their evil deeds.

Harry looked up just as Snape yanked the tablecloth off the table with a mighty sweep, scattering plates and cutlery to the floor and revealing Sirius' dead and mutilated body underneath. Everyone recoiled in horror. Harry grabbed Ginny and ran out of the room, where they were going, he didn't know, he just had to get away from this insanity. They ran down a set of stairs, only to find Lucius pointing his wand at them when they got to the bottom. They ran back up and followed the corridor toward what he hoped was another door.

They ran into the laboratory, and stopped short. Snape stood in the centre of the room, his wand pointed at Tommy and Remus. Snape quickly flung curses at Harry and Ginny.

Harry cried, "My feet! I can't move my feet!"

Remus nodded, "I can't either."

Ginny tugged at her feet with no luck. "It's as if we're glued to the spot!"

Snape laughed. "You are! So quake with fear, you tiny fools!"

"We're trapped!" Ginny wailed.

Snape walked over to her and touched her cheek. She swatted his hand away, then almost overbalanced and fell. He smiled at her, indulgently. "It's something you'll get used to. A mental mind fuck can be nice."

Harry flailed toward them, but couldn't reach far enough. He was shaking with rage and helplessness. Snape said, softly and dangerously, "You better wise up, Harry Potter."

Remus growled, "You won't find Muggles quite the easy mark you imagine, Snape. This curse-- it is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-physio-molecular transfiguration?"

Harry startled, "You mean..."

Remus nodded, "Yes, Harry, it's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time. But it seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it.

At that moment, Pansy stalked into the room, looking like an angry kneazle in ragged striped pyjamas.

"I can't stand any more of this!" she shouted at Snape. "First you spurn me for Sirius, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Tommy! You chew people up and then you spit them out again... I loved you... do you hear me? I loved you! And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll tell you: a big nothing. You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, and drain others of their love and emotion. Yeah, well, I've had enough. You're gonna choose between me and Tommy."

Without a blink, Snape cursed her as well. Then he waved his wand and Harry felt himself stiffening. As the world grew fuzzy and grey, he could hear Snape murmuring. "They always ask so much... and now my children turn on me... Tommy's behaving just the way that Sirius did. Do you think I made a mistake, using his blood for the potion?"

Lucius shook his head. "He was clearly an enemy of the Dark Lord. That is why the potion... succeeded."

Bellatrix spun across to Snape. "Ahhhh! I grow weary of this! When can we kill them?"

"Bellatrix, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother-in-law. You have both served me well. Loyalty such as yours shall not go unrewarded. You will discover that when the mood takes me, I can be quite generous."

Bellatrix was contrite. "I ask for nothing... nothing."

Snape drew himself up. "And you shall receive it. In abundance! Come, we are ready for the floor show!"

* * * * *

Dumbledore turned another page in the book, studying it. He looked up. "And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed, had decided that Harry and Ginny should keep that appointment with their friend, Remus Lupin. But it was to be in a situation which none of them would have possibly foreseen. And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Harry and Ginny had both tasted forbidden fruit. This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals... and some persuasion. What further indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the floor show that is spoken of? In an empty house? In the middle of the night? What diabolical plan had been shaped by Snape's crazed imagination? What indeed? From what had gone before, it was clear that this was to be no picnic."

* * * * *

_Pansy:  
_It was great when it all began.  
I was a regular Severus fan.  
But it was over when he had the plan  
To start a-working on a muscle man.  
Now the only thing that gives me hope  
Is my love of a certain dope._  
_Rose tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

_Tommy:_  
I'm just seven hours old,  
And truly beautiful to behold.  
And somebody should be told  
My memory hasn't been restored.  
Now the only thing I've come to trust  
Is an orgasmic rush of lust.  
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

_Harry:_  
It's beyond me; help me Mommy!  
I'll be good; you'll see.  
Take this dream away.  
What's this? Let's see,  
I feel sexy!  
What's come over me?  
Whoa! Here it comes again.

_Ginny:_  
I feel released; bad times decrease.  
My confidence has increased; reality is here.  
The game has been disbanded; my mind has been expanded.  
It's a gas that Snape's so candid!  
His lust is so sincere.

_Snape:_  
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.  
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.  
Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure  
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever.  
Can't you just see it? Oh, oh, oh... oh!  
Don't dream it, be it.

_Lupin:_  
We've got to get out of this trap before this decadence saps our wills. I've got to be strong, or else my mind may well snap, and my life will be lived... for the thrills!

 

Then with a crack, Harry was suddenly himself again. He shook his head and looked around to see Lucius with his wand pointed at Severus. Harry stumbled toward them, hampered by the high heels he found he was wearing.

"Snape," Lucius spat. "You are a failure; it's clear that the Dark Lord isn't going to remember his calling. We've supported you and your," he paused, "extreme lifestyle for years, only because you swore you could restore him to power."

With a flourish, Lucius reached over and plucked Severus' wand from under his corset. "It's over, Snape. I'm the new Dark Lord, and you now are my prisoner. We return to Bulgaria to meet with Karkaroff."

Pansy screamed, and ran toward the door. Without hesitation, Lucius cursed her, and she fell in a heap in the corridor, her feather boa floating to rest on top of her still, white body.

Snape raised his hands and sighed deeply. "I had such hopes... it was an experimental potion, and I was sure... but yes, I... understand. I'll begin work on a new potion when we arrive at Durmstrang."

Bellatrix laughed. "How sentimental."

Lucius leered. "And also presumptuous of you. You see, when I said WE were to return to Bulgaria, I referred only to Bellatrix and myself. I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but you see, you are to remain here. In spirit, anyway." He pointed his wand at Severus.

Harry stuttered, "You mean... you're going to kill him? What's his crime?"

Remus answered him. "You saw what became of Sirius. Society must be protected."

Lucius replied, not dropping his wand. "Exactly, Mr. Lupin. And now, Snape, your time has come. Say good-bye to all of this, and hello... to oblivion!"

There was a green flash, and Tommy leapt toward Snape, pushing them both over the edge of the balcony. Harry rushed over to see where they'd fallen.

Ginny cried, "Oh! You've killed them!"

Bellatrix, in her insane sing-song voice, said, "But I thought you liked him. He liked you!"

"He didn't like me!" Lucius muttered. "He never liked me!"

Remus nodded. "You did right."

Lucius looked grateful. "A decision had to be made."

Remus held up a hand. "Perfectly justified."

Lucius nodded. "Lupin, I'm sorry about Black."

"Sirius? Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best. He never dealt well with his loyalties split between his family and his friends. Damaged his mind, I think."

"You should leave now, Mr. Lupin, while it is still possible. We are about to Apparate to Bulgaria, and the house will crumble when we leave." Harry looked at Remus, who didn't move. He wanted to flee down the stairs to find Snape, but not when curses were being hurled so freely. Then Lucius' face darkened. He gestured toward the door. "Go... Now!" Harry, Remus, and Ginny scrambled toward the door.

Lucius turned to Bellatrix. "Our noble mission awaits us, my most beautiful sister, and soon we shall return to the moon-drenched shores of our beloved country home."

"Ah, sweet Bulgaria, land of night," she crooned. "To sing and dance once more to your dark refrain--"

Lucius placed his palm against hers. "To take that - step, to the right..."

Bellatrix, laughing, almost screaming, cried, "And we... will do the Time Warp... again!"

Out in the corridor, Remus and Ginny were helping Pansy to her feet, and Harry ran past them to find Severus along with Tommy, buried under a heap of splintered balustrades and heavy red velvet draperies. Harry pulled and tugged at the mess, finally dragging Tommy's body off of Severus.

"Oof," Severus groaned, sitting up, and Harry's heart sang to hear he was alive. Suddenly Ginny rushed in to the room, heading straight for Tommy, crying out in anguish.

Remus was at the door, holding Pansy to his side. They looked very sweet, and a bit guilty. Pansy gestured toward a far door. "Listen, they weren't kidding. We have to get out of here."

"Not without Tommy," Ginny wailed.

"Here," Severus snapped, and handed her a small vial. "It's dittany. Apply it to his wound. He'll be fine."

She did as he said, and soon Tommy was sitting up and gazing at her gratefully.

Harry helped Snape to his feet. He brushed himself off, then looked up at them. "What are all of you waiting for? Move, you idiots!" And they did.

As they ran, they could hear the house falling apart behind them. They barely escaped through a side door just as the last pieces fell into dust.

Harry shivered in the cool morning air, but was gratified to see the sun through the mist. He let out a nervous laugh. "We're quite a sight, aren't we," he said. "I'm not looking forward to the Aurors showing up and finding us like this." They were still dressed in corsets and garter belts, bits of feathers stuck to their skin, wearing staggeringly high heels. And not a wand among them.

Severus wiped a hand across his face, irreparably smearing his makeup. He shook his head, laughing darkly, "How do you think I've stayed here under their noses all these years? An eccentric country gentleman dressed in women's clothing is the last thing they see as a threat. They'll chalk this up to a night of," he coughed, "debauchery, nothing more."

Remus laughed out loud at that. "I have to admit your reputation in the Ministry is a bit dodgy, Severus. And well-played, that. Did I gather that you managed to re-embody Voldemort without his memories?"

Snape nodded toward Tommy. "Yes, I convinced them that the ritual Voldemort had specified was wrong, but that I could do it given the time and resources. It took me ten years to develop the potion to separate his mind and body. They could have brought him back years ago," he continued, "but this was the only way I could stopper his megalomania."

"I always said you were the best potions master in the country," Remus said, and confirmed what Harry was thinking.

Ginny was smoothing Tommy's hair away from his face. She looked up and caught Harry staring at her, then shrugged. She looked at Severus, then back at Harry, and Harry realized at that moment that he wasn't going to marry her. He felt relieved in all sorts of ways, and it seemed she did as well. They shared a smile.

"It appears," Severus said, drawing himself up with as much dignity as a man in bedraggled lingerie could, "that the Aurors have not chosen to respond." He sighed. "Well, there's nothing for it. We'll have to walk until we can find help."

"My cottage is just up the road," Remus said, and started off hand in hand with Pansy, followed by Ginny and Tommy.

Harry cleared his throat. "Er. I just wanted to mention that I'm looking for a potions master to study with," he said carefully.

Snape looked down his nose at him. "I'll be happy to discuss it."

Harry took the weight of Snape's arm settling around his waist as a good sign. He smiled as they set off into the cool morning light, their high heels clicking a new pattern across time and space, and meaning.

_Chorus:_

And meaning...

**Author's Note:**

> Read cherished comments at [Livejournal](http://community.livejournal.com/snape_potter/2307563.html), [Insanejournal](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/snape_potter/430722.html), and [Dreamwidth](http://snape-potter.dreamwidth.org/19364.html)


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